Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in a_cyanide_smile's LiveJournal:

Monday, April 4th, 2005
8:20 pm	wondering. Just sitting here, thinking about what ive done today. i Slept. till like noon almost. Been thinking about all these commitments im trying to make, they seem so far out of reach at times. but i cant give up. Been playing ps2 alot today..been stuck on Need For Speed Underground 2 for a while. Getting boring tho, need something new to do. Be glad when i get my GED and get some money saved up so i can get out of here, im gunna move somewhere. If everything works out im headed to Michigan. Im so thankful i have this new friend. Her name is Jess, she has been such an inspiration and supporting me in my quest to change myself and better myself. I cant express how thankful i am that she has become a part of my life. Its like i look foward to the next day just to get to be able to talk to her. I know she wont be on much tomorrow from what she told me..i hope i can make it.lol i sound cheezi dont i. O well i really care about this one. Shes fantastic. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 2nd, 2005
8:17 pm	1. Give me your number? 2. Have sex with me? 3. Let me kiss you? 4. Watch a movie with me...even a really cheeezi one? 5. Let me take you out to dinner? 6. Drive me somewhere/anywhere? 7. Take a shower with me? 8. Be my bf/gf? 9. Have a fling with me? 10. Listen to me if I called you crying even if you were out with all of your friends? 11. Buy me a drink if i didnt have money? 12. Take me home for the night? 13. Would you let me sleep in your bed? 14. Sing car kareoke with me? 15. Sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone? 16. Would you dress up like a nurse and tell me its time for my scrubbing (lol) ? 17. Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere? 18. Do you think im pretty, beautiful, or hot? 19. Do you like my style? 20. Do you think im funny? 21. Do you care about me? 22. Would you cry if i died? 23. Would you stop me if i tried to commit suicide? 24. Would you dance with me? 25. Would you sing happy birthday to me? 26. Would you sit by me and make sure im ok at a party if im throwing up due to intoxication ? 27. Would you marry me? 28. Would u get botherd if i called you just to hear your voice? 29. What would you do if i came up to you and said "fuck me"? 30. Come to mexico with me? 31: Would you tie me up, spank my ass n call me charlie? lol sorry (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:48 am	things i feel. Sometimes i sit and i wonder, what is my purpose. Why am i who i am. What cosmic force steered me down this path. Sometimes i feel like, i was ment to be alone, for nothing more than a sick punishment..maybe something i did in a past life? knowing me probably so. I think about this girl alot lately. I only met her a few days ago, and even more shes online. But she is so nice to me. Its kinda crazy, i know theres this guy she kinda likes that goes to her school, but she says he kinda freaks her out. I dunno. She likes me too from what i can tell, but i cant tell u for sure just how much. Anyways the point is its like ive developed these feelings for her, cuz i actually realized i got jealous for some reason....jealous..wth..i havent felt that in a LONG time..its kinda crazy. Well i went to get some more smoke today, im addicted...and sure enough..riding there im thinking of this girl again. I even tell my friend bryan im thinking of moving up north hes like oh yeah forreal? like where? im like...somewhere like michigan sounds pretty nice. whats going on with u henri.. thinking of a girl again i see. U know what that usually turns out..yeah but..with this one i just gotta see. Dont get me wrong im not talking marrying the girl n shit, but id sure love to get to know her and see where things went. Met her sister today pretty much, ive dropped her comments on VF a few times but thats about it, chatting with her and the girl i like right now, they are awsome and hella pretty u can tell they are sisters when u see their pics thats for sure. Thinking of what i wunna do with my life..first thing is first im headed to get my GED soon. Im scared when i get it that superficial feeling of accomplishment isnt going to happen..ill still feel left in a rut..a nobody with the feelings of no purpose..no reason for me..i cant feel like this anymore...far to long has this place been numbing my heart n shit. Could u beleive i get freaking nervous just talking to this girl..like searching for the right things to say, hoping not to say something stupid. O well no need to stress over such things. let them take their course i say. But damn, why she gotta be so pretty?? Cant get that out of my head. I know one thing this jordan guy is one dumb cat if he lets this one slip cuz id change my ways for this girl, and ive never said that about anyone! lol anyways henri ur getting fucking mushy on me. So what should i do? what should i try to become? All ive ever really wanted to be was successful..at something...being a father sounds nice, but i cant and wont bring a child into this world when i cant even take care of myself. I just want to make someone proud u know...just want to be able to come home some day n just know that at the end of the day..someone was thinking of me..someone appreciates me..i guess thats everyones wish tho... These are some things i feel.. Current Mood: indescribable (2 Comments |Comment on this)